The drones are after me!!

I was slightly seduced this morning by a company who said they could hook me up with some money. All I needed to do was to place ads in my blog about this company or that! Then they take a percentage and the credit card company takes some! But in the end I get money for writing! Wow, how tempting! They know just how to warm my heart in this tough economy! You mean all I have to do is sell out to the big companies and I get money?! God why didn't I think of that? I could have been scamming all you readers into looking at ads!! Golly! Well if all I need to do is sell my soul and practically go against everything I believe in, I'm in! Right?! No.... I've stated many of times on here that this is an AD FREE BLOG! That's right big companies! AD MOTHER FUCKING FREE! I am going against "the man" here and bringing you my quality ranting and rambling for free! I expect nothing out of my readers but their input and time! I mean if you want to send me pretty things and/or cupcakes do feel free! So thank you readers for being here and do expect this and all of my blogs to remain ad free as long as I am alive!

Thank you again readers and thank you big company that tried to seduce me for giving me something to bitch about!

Change. It's been on the tip of every ones tongues for the past well year plus now. I've heard so many people excited for change! The air thick with anticipation for something greater to happen. I went out after election day like many of the other millions of people and trust me the tension was thick. After Obama won it was like a dark cloud had over passed. People were talking to each other, even hugging each other! Here in Minneapolis! I know it's strange! Even I felt this overwhelming air of victory. Yes I screamed at some cars in my drunken state smiling from ear to ear when they screamed back. The next day people looked me in the eye on the street. I felt like for once the city was a peaceful place. Like I could be walking and someone would just hug me randomly, stroking my hair while whispering in my ear that everything is going to be alright. I know it kinda sounds creepy, but you get where I'm going with this! The weeks to follow have been the same. All about change. What's going to happen? Will he be up to the job? The newspapers and websites all seem to be gearing in that direction. Yes, we won! Well, now what? Uhhhh... of course we question. I've settled into a nice routine of not caring about politics yet again. Hopefully soon I can even start talking to my McCain loving friends. Change is what everyone wants. Things are still okay but you know what would make them better?! Change. Ohhh I know, I'm so witty!
Speaking of change, it's fucking cold out! Seriously, I was just getting use to being able to show my collar bone again! Why must I live in the tundra?! Yes I ask myself that every year. The bitching about cold weather has only begun! You just wait until January! I need to move.

Wooo new article!

I have the newest article for the work paper done! Please give me some sort of input on it! I tried to make this one less corny, since it's a volunteer piece.

Time to interact!

Tucked away in Minneapolis’ North Loop neighborhood is the Interact Center for the Visual and Performing Arts. They are a nonprofit organization that offers professional level training to artists with disabilities in theater arts, visual arts and writing. The bright paintings pop from the brick walls as you walk down the hall from the entrance. The sound of laughter leads you into the magical place, which is filled with smiles. The Interact Center is recognized as a national leader in progressively pairing social services with the arts to shift society’s view of disabilities away from deficits and towards limitless possibility. They work with numerous local artists who gladly come into help teach workshops in different art mediums from ceramics to woodcarving. The skill involved in some of the projects is simply amazing! The theater section works together to write and produce two original performances a year! They have been working with the Mixed Blood Theater on their latest performance, Sindibad. The fun, positive attitude seems to spread through out the place as easily as the paint does! They are looking for volunteers to help with everything from studio assistants to special events volunteers. If you don’t have time to volunteer for this amazing organization, please consider donating to them. You can find more information on their website www.interactcenter.com or at 612-339-5145.

Broke, broken, and drugged up

Yesterday I had the day off. As fun as it could have been, I woke up earlier than usual to walk all the way across Minneapolis only to find out the place I was trying to go to was even further and I was 15 minutes late. I was attempting to find an place to write my next article on. Which is a "volunteer" piece. As in I can find a place to volunteer for or I interview a volunteer. Trust me the pleasure of walking at least a mile in the freezing rain only to end up having to turn around and walk back at 9:30 in the morning, well it was amazingly unpleasant. I hate waking up early in the first place. I sure as hell hate walking in freezing rain, especially when it ends up to be a worthless mission. I get home and prepare the meal of all meal. I try to scarf as much of it down before 12:25. Trust me it was amazing, if I would've had more time I would have made more. At one I'm at the dentist, by two I get to leave. Another tooth was extracted. Two teeth now this year have chipped on me beyond repair. I'm starting to think that by the time I do hit thirty I'll be able to give 'gum jobs'.... that thought scares the hell out of me. What is the best part about having a tooth ripped out of your skull? To be honest you're extremely nappy after and usually you get better pain killers than I did. As I wait for my pussy pain killers to be done at the lovely drug store I wonder the aisles. Now I can't talk at all, obviously. I just wonder and observe. The strangest fucking people roam Minneapolis drug stores. A man walked up to me who looked like a fat Weird Al with a comb-over and told me "I saw the oddest thing today... a bagel... with cream cheese. Isn't that just weird?" I just shook my head yes because I can't freaking answer him with a no. Because to me it's weird that he's talking to me in the first place. Let alone telling me how odd he thinks cream cheese on a fricking bagel is. When I finally get called I go up to get my lovely meds along with a bottle of pain killers I'm more than excited to get the hell out of there. The walk home is painful. The drugs they gave me are wearing off and the throbbing pain is starting to begin. I long for a cigarette. Yes I know I was trying to quit, it was a lot easier for me to quit that whole quitting thing. Once I finally get home I need to distract myself before I can take a pill. I read a book and in no time I get to take numerous pills. As I wake up from a drug induced nap I have to wipe nasty blood that has dried on my cheek. I am amazed that my cheek has finally went down from its swullen state. I don't know why I didn't take today off. All day I have been swept by waves of nausea. I've been attempting to keep myself walking in a straight line. After the first three hours of work I stopped this and have just been using the wall as a support system. I can not believe how hungry I am. The more I think about eating the sicker that I get. The taste of blood still seems fresh in my mouth. I pop a vicodin after my lunch of extremely expensive condensed soup and suddenly all is good. Of course that's once they actually kick in. The dizziness has stopped I mostly feel like I'm floating when I walk. The wall has been a good friend today. Yes I'm pretty out of it. Have people noticed? Of course! I can't even talk to anyone without my head bobbing back and forth. I want to go home, take another pain killer and pass the fuck out. Only three more hours of this and I can! Hope you all have a great weekend. I know I will!

It's Motherf*cking Halloween!

The time is upon us. Today is Halloween! As I might have said before this is my favorite holiday out of all the lame holidays in existence! I can not tell you how excited I am! Really, I know it's lame. This is the only holiday that I actually have fun on though. Dress up, eat candy, get ridiculously drunk, and make fun of slutty girls. Greatness! I have yet to actually decide on my costume. I was going to do a group costume with my friends. We planned on being Tetris pieces. The pieces are already made but as it got closer, I changed my mind. It seems too damn simple and I am not one to be plain. Also I usually make fun of group costumes. I've thought about being a raver, but I don't know. I was a fairy last weekend. Yes I know two costumes for one holiday is a little much but really I can't help it! Last year I only went to one party. One, very boring party. I plan on having fun this year. Whether I have to ditch my friends to do so or not. Yes my moral dilemma is that they are women and they seem to hold a grudge for a while. I've considered hanging out with them for a while in Tetris theme and then going to another party as a raver. Is that too much? No because it's motherf*cking Halloween! I do what I want! Also I have been bothering my mother about Christmas. This year we might actually be skipping it. She wants to go on vacation and since most of the people in my family I only see on Christmas I kinda feel bad. On the other hand I'm being a selfish bitch this year and if Christmas is missed that will mean I've successfully missed every main holiday with my huge, hick-filled family!! Also I know that you all remember how much I hate Christmas! I really hope it can be skipped! Wooo lunch time... have a lovely night! Remember that booze is the key to happiness!

awkwardness

It's Saturday and I'm leaching off of a friends internet. I've been sitting by myself for the past 2 hours trying to decide if I should leave. Isn't that always awkward?! The friend in question was just going out for a couple hours while I continued to nurse my hangover by sleeping more. The thing keeping me here is the promise of a free lunch when they get back. Alas that was around 11:30... it's been far more than a couple hours. I'm starting to get hungry.... would it be rude to leave? I'm always unsure how to treat situations like this. It wouldn't be a big deal if I had a working phone but my phone is not working due to my cat spilling water on it yesterday while I was sleeping. That would make things easier for me, to call and go. I just don't know... in my head it's far past lunch. I wonder if I'm obsessing more over this because today I'm (attempting) to quit smoking. I know I thought I'd be one of those people who you'd have to pull the cig from my cold dead hands. I'm actually attempting to quit which so far has made me more of an obsessive crazy person than usual. I've been close to tears on a few occasions making me want to stay here because I'm afraid if I do leave I'll be upset and will buy smokes. Trying to be strong has never been so much fun! It's even more odd because friend in question has roommates. There are roommates home who have yet to actually talk to me that much. Which I guess is fine... it's just making me more awkward. Making me obsess more on my awkwardness... making me want to smoke. This cycle is really fun!! Maybe I'll just go back to sleep. I thought internet would help me feel better but it's just making me more hungry and more angry...

there's going to be blood?!

Alas, I am finally excited for something! I know you are so use to my angry ranting that I probably just disappointed you. It's fine, I understand. Since you're already here though listen up! This Saturday is the day I've been waiting for. This year has been long and I am having a hard time waiting for it..... Yep, it's the Zombie Pub Crawl!!! I know, just when you gave up on the dreams of me being a geek. I just blew your mind with my geeky hotness!

On Saturday I will be breaking out my office apparel and covering myself in fake blood. Yep I'm going as a corporate zombie. Mostly for my own amusement. So in my drunken state I can annoyingly point out that I work in an office there for I am always going to be a corporate zombie.... maybe I'll get pity giggles out of it. I'm actually making the "blood" tomorrow! I never get to say that!

Watch out because I might just try to get your scrumptious BRAINS!!!!!!!

whahahahahaha.... I seriously have nothing better to do with my time! :)

Yep it's true... I probably do just need to get laid!

I've been aggravated all day. I could blame it on the 4 hours of sleep I somehow got last night because I decided it would be a good idea to watch the third lord of the rings last night, the pure fact that everyone is pissing me off or the crazy women in my life. I'm choosing all of the above.
Yes, I finally finished the lord of the rings. I know I'm quite behind on my plan of reaching the complete geek dream girl.
I've already complained quite a bit about women and how they are insane. I'm one of them and I can admit it, I wish the rest of them would. I'm starting to really miss having those male friends I use to have. Why doesn't anyone want to drink a fricking beer or four without talking about their god damn feelings?!
I'm convinced that all other people are really just trying to get on my evil eye glares for at least a week list. Like yesterday it rained, no poured when I was walking into work. Now I don't know about you but I can't walk quite as fast when I'm being pummeled with rain. So I come into work 10 minutes late. My boss happens to be in my area and refuses to stop embarrassing me in front of my fellow coworkers until I say that I am ashamed of myself. The audacity! This is the same boss who I'm certain is having an affair with this really dumb girl in the office. Just so you know he's married and I'm the one that should be ashamed. It rained, I was wet, I walk slower when wet and I wanted to make sure that I didn't look like complete shit before I came in here. Today everyone has just assumed that I can read minds and that I can also do everyone else job for them. Leaving me to be very passive aggressive which I don't like doing but I can't straight up say do your god damn work. No, I have to be nice and say yes I can do this even though you are just sitting on your ass not doing anything while I have 10 things I need to get done with in the next hour. No, one more wouldn't hurt but a thank you would be nice.
On the plus side I finally got my tax returns only 8 months after the first time I had to send them in. Yes I sent them in more than once. I think I ranted about that. Now I know that the government isn't out to get me by not giving me the money that I deserve for working this god damn job.
I've gotten another horrible habit of looking at Craigslist for hours at a time. I can't wait until I find a missed connection about me! I'm hoping it will be sort of like this....

You: Angry looking, tall woman wearing headphones; who I accidentally bumped into walking home on Lyndale Avenue.
Me: The guy you then kicked in the shin and threatened to push into traffic.
You seemed very aggressive, I like that, lets get drinks....

Oh the world if really fuelling my alcoholic tendencies lately. It's pretty horrible when someone you don't really know that well tells you that you probably just need to get laid!

ramble on....

Wow, I'm updating up a storm here! After a great quite night yesterday I went on a shopping purge today. I don't know why I do it. I spent my lunch hour at the dreaded Target and ended up hobbling to the check out lanes. A full basket and a comforter slung over my back made it really hard to walk! I seem to have came to the conclusion quite some time ago that shopping makes me happy. I know it's such a damn typical girl thing to say. Yet I actually hate shopping. I loathe crowds and don't even get me started on looking for god damn shoes! I tend to get really happy about shopping for shit that I actually need. Yes I get a buzz off of it. Today I was more pumped over cleaning products being on sale then the free lunch I got from work. I must be getting old! My sad existence was brought to a happy medium by cleaning products... I think that's the first time I've actually admitted it.
After I got back from my shopping extravaganza, a girl from work asked me to take a day off. I was kind of offended at first! I mean wouldn't you be! I kind of took offense in the first place because I dislike her. Then she told me she really needed the overtime and gave me the sad story of broke up with boyfriend, blah blah blah. This is the first time I've actually been asked by her to take time off. Actually I think it's the first time ever I've had a coworker ask me to take a day off. So I took friday off, even though things are tight for me too. At least I have paid time off!
I am going to see Choke on Thursday night. Which is something I've been looking forward to. I am really a big fan of Chuck's work. Choke was probably my favorite book out of all that I've read. Yes I do have my gripes about him as most people do. He's so great at sucking you into the story, yet I always feel his endings are far too rushed to tie ends together. This isn't always a bad thing but to me it is. Usually after reading his books I'm just left with that 'what the hell' kind of feeling.
I'm actually excited that I don't have work on friday, so I'm hoping the rest of my week goes quick! I hope you all have a quick week as well! Yes I'm pulling a Chuck and ending it at that!

spilling...

The past few weeks I have had maybe two days to myself when I don't need to be social. My friends have been under the impression that I am depressed so they've been trying to keep me busy. I suppose it makes sense that they feel like they need to be here for me now. Since after I got mugged I wanted to be around people more, but most of them were busy with their own shit. It's felt like they're trying to make up for it but I don't need them to. I'm actually more depressed that I can't have more than one night per week to not have to actually be around anyone but my cat! I like being able to sit around in my pajamas and having the option of just playing Zelda or drinking by myself or both! That's my happy place, by myself and not in pants. Alas, they're girls and they jump to conclusions. Like a few months ago they were concerned that I had an eating disorder because I am thin! These are the same girls who have been my friends for years and I honestly haven't really lost or gain too much since I've met them! Just because I am a bitter, single woman doesn't mean I need help. I do love to be around my lovely coupled friends. I don't like how they can tell me over and over again that one day I'll find love like them. Like that will really change my life that much! Stupid, stupid girls! I'm fully content with my boring life! Now I keep wondering though if I am depressed since I fully allow them to drag me along. Forcing myself to not say no to them. I don't know I have just felt like I really don't care anymore. Not depressed just not caring. I don't know what to think anymore since my mind has went numb after thinking about death far too much since the whole mugging thing. I've brushed it off but I really don't care so I guess they have ever right to think that I am depressed in some ways. I just wish they would actually talk to me about it then assuming that I am. I don't know if that makes any sense or if I'm just being crazy.

I ended up leaving this weekend to get away from their craziness and I suppose my own. I haven't seen my family in months and as usual I doubt it helped. I was extremely intoxicated on saturday with my dad. We saw my dead beat brother, who has two kids and works a part time paper route for a job! He has no intentions of doing anything but sucking off of the states tit. I'm happy that I am the only person in my family who is actually "doing something" even though I'm really not! My mother was quite lovely on sunday. She brought up the mugging, my lack of ambition, my thinness and my singleness all in 7 hours! Oh but she likes my hair! That was the most positive thing she said! So I have the self esteem of a thirteen year old now! Right once I got home the girls dragged me out of the house, so I had ten minutes to myself after the hectic 2 hour drive. They asked me to hang out tonight but I really don't think I can! I need some god damn time~ although they are trying to seduce me with fondue. I've never actually had fondue and I have no will power to actually say no.
I might end up leaving the city again in the next couple weeks to the great state of Wisconsin. A friend of mine moved there 2 years ago. He was in town last thursday and he didn't have time to call me. So I need to go to Madison and kick his ass.... I need a drink already!

I think I enjoy ranting too much.

So I must remain weird with crazy people in my life otherwise I'll have nothing to say on here!

brains are dying

Yea I can write corny articles for the work paper!!!

I think I just died a little inside....
I have nothing else to say....
I'm jumping off a building now

Fergus Falls

Autumn is the time to relax and enjoy beautiful scenery; what a better way to marvel at the changing leaves than a road trip? During a surprisingly quick 3 hour drive northwest of the metro, you’ll have plenty of time to soak all the colors in. When you arrive in Fergus Falls, you feel the comforting vibe of a small town. It’s a great place to go out and enjoy nature. With a thousand lakes and many wilderness trails to choose from, you’ll be glad for the brisk fall air! If you’ve never had the opportunity to feed ducks and geese by hand, check out Lake Alice. It’s the perfect place to stroll around and meet some friendly locals. Don’t forget to bring some bread! For the book enthusiasts there is Biffley’s, where you can roam the shelves that cover floor to ceiling in the basement! They also have a wide variety of kid’s books and those old cassette tapes you thought you’d never see again! There are a few interesting restaurants around town as well. The Viking, which is a hot spot for locals and travelers, has the best breakfast around. The townspeople are more than helpful to let you know where to go for the most crave-worthy food you’ve ever had. Fergus Falls is also home to the world’s largest otter which is located in Grotto Park. Otto, a forty foot long statue, is quite a sight to see! It’s located right next to a great picnic area and playground, which is one of the most relaxing places to finish up those summer reads. Fergus Falls’ slogan is “Find Us, Lose Yourself,” and they do a great job of helping you do just that!

rough

Another day, another migraine. Seems to be the way things are going recently. I am starting to get really tired of being friends with girls. I swear, if I could go one week without being pulled into their mini-dramas I'd actually consider stopping drinking. Since that seems impossible I'm keeping with my alcoholic ways. I was suppose to have received a payment from one of the girls for a refund we got on our hotel room. She has yet to talk to me, go figure!
Yet I know she went on a huge shopping purge over the weekend. I will not call her out on it until my promised money is not put in my hand. The past few months she has been increasingly miserable in her relationship yet she flops back to happy on a whim. It's driving me insane. Don't cave one week and say no I don't see us having a future I just want to stay with him to use him to this week yelling at a concerned friend for giving you any advice on your 'loving relationship'. Women are god damn confusing the hell out of me. This is why I can't be a lesbian, besides the whole not attracted to girls thing.
The almost married friend was the one giving her advice so I don't know if it came out high and mighty since she is getting married. This is where my head explodes and I no longer care. I'm sure if I put it nicely as I can not afford any booze right now and you bitches are driving me crazy I might actually get some money out of her. My sober life needs to be pickled I've listened to way too many girls squabbling this week, damn it! Speaking of women who are annoying me, my supervisor is driving me insane! She has spent a majority of this week on the phone and not communicating with us properly. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what the hell is going on when she leaves for hours at a time just in my head to piss me off.....

Ohh god I'm becoming more like them. I'm bitching and moaning.

If you want to help me please donate to the "Get me drunk" fund.
All proceeds will go to the liquor store and help me stay out of a mental hospital!