spilling...

The past few weeks I have had maybe two days to myself when I don't need to be social. My friends have been under the impression that I am depressed so they've been trying to keep me busy. I suppose it makes sense that they feel like they need to be here for me now. Since after I got mugged I wanted to be around people more, but most of them were busy with their own shit. It's felt like they're trying to make up for it but I don't need them to. I'm actually more depressed that I can't have more than one night per week to not have to actually be around anyone but my cat! I like being able to sit around in my pajamas and having the option of just playing Zelda or drinking by myself or both! That's my happy place, by myself and not in pants. Alas, they're girls and they jump to conclusions. Like a few months ago they were concerned that I had an eating disorder because I am thin! These are the same girls who have been my friends for years and I honestly haven't really lost or gain too much since I've met them! Just because I am a bitter, single woman doesn't mean I need help. I do love to be around my lovely coupled friends. I don't like how they can tell me over and over again that one day I'll find love like them. Like that will really change my life that much! Stupid, stupid girls! I'm fully content with my boring life! Now I keep wondering though if I am depressed since I fully allow them to drag me along. Forcing myself to not say no to them. I don't know I have just felt like I really don't care anymore. Not depressed just not caring. I don't know what to think anymore since my mind has went numb after thinking about death far too much since the whole mugging thing. I've brushed it off but I really don't care so I guess they have ever right to think that I am depressed in some ways. I just wish they would actually talk to me about it then assuming that I am. I don't know if that makes any sense or if I'm just being crazy.

I ended up leaving this weekend to get away from their craziness and I suppose my own. I haven't seen my family in months and as usual I doubt it helped. I was extremely intoxicated on saturday with my dad. We saw my dead beat brother, who has two kids and works a part time paper route for a job! He has no intentions of doing anything but sucking off of the states tit. I'm happy that I am the only person in my family who is actually "doing something" even though I'm really not! My mother was quite lovely on sunday. She brought up the mugging, my lack of ambition, my thinness and my singleness all in 7 hours! Oh but she likes my hair! That was the most positive thing she said! So I have the self esteem of a thirteen year old now! Right once I got home the girls dragged me out of the house, so I had ten minutes to myself after the hectic 2 hour drive. They asked me to hang out tonight but I really don't think I can! I need some god damn time~ although they are trying to seduce me with fondue. I've never actually had fondue and I have no will power to actually say no.
I might end up leaving the city again in the next couple weeks to the great state of Wisconsin. A friend of mine moved there 2 years ago. He was in town last thursday and he didn't have time to call me. So I need to go to Madison and kick his ass.... I need a drink already!

I think I enjoy ranting too much.

So I must remain weird with crazy people in my life otherwise I'll have nothing to say on here!