rough

Another day, another migraine. Seems to be the way things are going recently. I am starting to get really tired of being friends with girls. I swear, if I could go one week without being pulled into their mini-dramas I'd actually consider stopping drinking. Since that seems impossible I'm keeping with my alcoholic ways. I was suppose to have received a payment from one of the girls for a refund we got on our hotel room. She has yet to talk to me, go figure!
Yet I know she went on a huge shopping purge over the weekend. I will not call her out on it until my promised money is not put in my hand. The past few months she has been increasingly miserable in her relationship yet she flops back to happy on a whim. It's driving me insane. Don't cave one week and say no I don't see us having a future I just want to stay with him to use him to this week yelling at a concerned friend for giving you any advice on your 'loving relationship'. Women are god damn confusing the hell out of me. This is why I can't be a lesbian, besides the whole not attracted to girls thing.
The almost married friend was the one giving her advice so I don't know if it came out high and mighty since she is getting married. This is where my head explodes and I no longer care. I'm sure if I put it nicely as I can not afford any booze right now and you bitches are driving me crazy I might actually get some money out of her. My sober life needs to be pickled I've listened to way too many girls squabbling this week, damn it! Speaking of women who are annoying me, my supervisor is driving me insane! She has spent a majority of this week on the phone and not communicating with us properly. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what the hell is going on when she leaves for hours at a time just in my head to piss me off.....

Ohh god I'm becoming more like them. I'm bitching and moaning.

If you want to help me please donate to the "Get me drunk" fund.
All proceeds will go to the liquor store and help me stay out of a mental hospital!

Minnesota Pride

So I feel like I need to put my two cents in like everyone else about the Republican National Convention in town for the next couple days here. The protests that occurred yesterday ending in a mass arrest of people. Hundreds were pepper sprayed, detained, and labeled "anarchist". I know many people who had been there to protest and believe me these people were far from being anarchists. Many young families had brought their children, for god sakes! I was actually on my way to protest when I heard word of the violence that was erupting, so we decided to wait until tonight to go. The streets are swarming with Republicans and police even here in Minneapolis. I understand that a lot of people are upset, but I was under the impression as many people here were, that this was going to be a peaceful protest. MY problem with the Republicans being here is the problems that they create just by being here. St.Paul area should not have to be in a police state. People trying to voice their opinions should not be afraid to do so.
I had the bachelorette party this weekend which we had been planning for the last year. Our hotel decided to GIVE OUR suite away to one of the Republicans and try to replace our suite with twin size bed room. That's right they took our god damn room!!! That deserves anarchy!!! The masses of Republicans staying at our hotel decided to hassle us all night. Many of the YOUNGER males of course were extremely rude to us. When asked if we were voting for McCain we all answered "hell no"! They told us to stay out of the hotel because we were "America haters." I rebuttal with a swift "I don't hate America you see, I hate all of the stupid people who live here though." Remember how I said I get cocky when under pressure? Well being drunk gives that same cocky attitude.... So what does that say? Both sides have their bad seeds. I truly believe that there are good people on each sides and although I lean far more towards the Democratic side. I'm not a huge hippy and I'm sure they are not all gun-wielding idiots. I don't think that destroying property was really a good thing. I think a lot of people do have their stereotypes about the parties. I just believe a lot of people are angry after the past 8 years and want change, whether it be one way or the other. Many of the protesters were just trying to state that opinion. I will definately try to do the same.

the circle goes round

Last month, a year after working here, my work paper did a 'get to know the employee' article on me. I've been overwhelmed by the amount of attention I have received. Random people have been asking me about my art work and writing. Usually I felt pressured by the lewd comments like 'so yer an artist, eh?' or 'really you walk everywhere?' I've half joked that I liked it better when no one really knew me that well and I could just be the quiet girl who worked here! I did though!! Well amazingly, I have been offered a small writing gig for our work paper. It's pretty unimpressive but I'm excited to do my first piece! I've been doing sketched for the paper for the past 6 months roughly, so I guess it was only a matter of time.... I just didn't really expect it or think about it for that matter. I know it's lame to get excited about something like this but hey I'll take what I can get!
The past couple of weeks have been really hard on me. I'm happy that almost everything is back in place now. I have a check card again!!! I will have an ID soon, hopefully! I have friends to buy me booze!
Oh and I have started a novel kinda... well I started it a month ago. Then, I threw that away and restarted it. So I will share it with you now since I really have too much on my mind to make an actual blog that isn't random thoughts. Give me some sort of opinion please before I burn it with hatred! I love it right now but you know how judgemental people can be with their own writing! Thanks...

Chapter One

“Please let us on,” the woman pleaded, “I’ve offered you everything I have, beyond my children!” The flustered bus driver kept his stance in front of the bus. “We can not help you,” he said, “I will tell you once again, madam. I am not picking up; we are only stopping for a rest.” The desperate mother gently rubbed the child latched to her chests head. Her eyes had filled with tears after spending the last fifteen minutes begging for a way out. Not to be degraded she turned around in a fiery and walked away from the bus. Her children followed her with their heads low, as though they already knew to ignore the few pitiful glares over. This was a scene that had become familiar to Olive as she made her trip on the crowded bus. Every town they have encountered had the left over people that were too poor to flee lined up on the street. In their desperate time of fear they grasp out for help, the passer bys, only to be denied again. As the bus rolled on they threw stones at it and cursed all who rode. The other riders aboard became quiet after each occurrence. She heard their muffled cries and prayers, wondering if they all had the same fears that she did. After a hope they’d be safer here, the same scenes are still happening the closer they get.
Many of the people on the bus were not so different than the mother. They could not help but to pity her and wish that they could do more. For when it came down to it the people were all the same, at least those that hadn’t succumbed to violence. Most of them were grasping onto their own children, afraid of letting them out of their loving hold. They all had the same fears build up as she did. That the safety they knew as home was no longer safe. This was a feeling that can discomfort even the strongest of men.
You see, there was a terrible war starting to burn up the country. It had been fuelled for so long now that tension was thick in the air. At first, the food supply ran low and the prices rose more every day. The simple things became unaffordable to people. They were loosing their homes and their dignity. A panic arose, while friends and neighbors turned against each other. It started off with small things, but when the violence became worse so did the fear. Other countries began to invade, knowing that they were all weak now. The people were too busy trying to keep their own lives together then to worry about a possible attack. When they became more frequent and more people were dead, the faces of the city could no longer maintain their tough appearance. In a last ditch effort for safety, the people who could flee did so, searching for hope. Olive boarded one of the last buses out of New York. She had a small bag with her belongings, the clothes on her back and a blanket her mother made her wrapped tightly around her. This comforted her because it felt like it was embracing her and keeping her safe. She had just turned twelve a month earlier, which seemed a lot better than the way things are now. She had a good comprehension of all that was happening. She wasn’t a naive child anymore and her parents knew that. They made no promises that they would meet her, just that they would try after they straightened up what they could. She knew better and mourned them even though she was unsure if they had already died yet.
She grazed her hand against the cold window and wished that what they said was true. It had been rumored that the war had been taking on the coasts. The smaller populated areas in the Midwest seemed unharmed by it. It was though they were casted back out for bigger fish. The cities had crumbled, filled with greed, as the meager farms prospered. Well, at least that’s how the stories go. Olive wasn’t true how much of this was true. She also questioned if it would be any better since now the masses had begun to dispersed there. Would they once again become targets? These thoughts and fears seemed to be apparent in everyone else as well. She knew better than to worry about the unknown.
Her thoughts drifted off from the current uncertainties to the place she was going. She remembers her grandparent’s farm fondly. She had spent numerous summers there in central Minnesota. So many that she could remember the tiny details that never seemed to change. The way the air smelt so clean, usually of newly cut grass or hay. She knew the feel of the dirt driveway against her feet as she’d walk it freely. The way the old lilac bushes would spring up in those lovely colors around the old blue farm house. She smiled at the thought of the multitude of different farm cats that would scurry between her feet whenever she graced the outside. Most of all she remembered the lovely faces of her grandparents and their tender embraces. This was her safe place, the only place she knew she could live without fear. She drifted off to sleep with the thoughts fresh in her head and the smile still glued on her face.


****So that's what I got so far. I fell like when I write I tend to ramble to much. An honest opinion would be helpful, since I wanted to start stronger than I usually do... have a good night! Ohhh and happy blogging!

reasons for my (recent) anxiety

I've been taking a break from blogging, although I'd rather be taking a break from life. In times like these where it's easy to be pulled into the darkness of the falling economy and wars I've tried to keep myself upbeat. Long behold my upbeat attitude was demolished and I have been a huge ball of anxiety this week. On Saturday I had spent the day with my friend. We went to grab some tasty Perkins and even better drinks. While chitchatting the time away, we sucked down three rum and cokes. I made my exit gracefully after she had been seducing the bartender and slightly stumbled home. I have always been very keen to my surroundings so walking never scares me. In an odd train of thought I decide to have a smoke outside before I attempt the three flights of stairs to my heavenly bed.I usually don't smoke outside at night but it was before midnight and I was tipsy. As I sit waiting for my friend to call me back to let me know she got home safe a pair of men walk up to me and ask for a cig. Not a big deal, I tell them a lie that I am out. They keep walking after one of them fumbled and says he needs a lighter since his friend gave him a cig anyway. I graze my hand at the bottom of my purse for the needed flame when his friend pulls out a gun and places it to my temple. Now I have never had a gun to my head before and for those of you who haven't let me tell you it's by far the scariest thing ever. The gunman yells at me to give him my purse. Not wanting to risk my life when they'd end up taking my purse whether I was dead or alive, I took it out of my lap and handed it to them. As they nonchalantly walked away I yelled back at them asking if I could have my phone back. Who does that? Honestly I don't know what got into me! They yelled 'bitch no' and continued walking approaching a man outside of the building next to me. As they headed closer to him I grabbed my keys that were luckily in my lap and headed inside. In a frantic I started walking down the first floor and as I got to the mail boxes a group of people were leaving their apartment to go smoke. I asked to use their phone and explained the situation. The cops arrived with in a minute, which was surprising. And in about 5 they pulled up out front with one the men. Just my luck, he lacked my purse and the gun. So I had to talk to the police to put in my report. After what seemed like forever I finished up my statement just as the man from the other building walked up saying that he was assaulted by the two men! I thanked him for coming forward and exited the cop car feeling lucky to have been well that damn lucky! Immediately I ran to my friends apartment which happens to be next door to mine and she called in the troops. The two other girls I hang out with regularly showed up and we talked after I got off the phone with my bank. The things I learned out of this is I am a weak, skinny white girl and people were bound to fuck with me sooner or later. That I have the BEST friends ever and I have never been so happy to have such wonderful people in my life. Also, that I get extremely sarcastic under pressure. So I survived my first mugging. Do I get a gold star for that? I'm still trying to get over it and straighten everything up, but I'm okay. Well, better as the days roll on. I'm just so shocked that someone would be willing to risk my life and future for as little as they got. I guess the times really are changing....

sliding along

I took a vacation from work for a week. Nine whole days counting weekends. Today is the first day back. When I left I was feeling like I was in a rut. The days felt agonizingly long. I started slacking and not really caring about anything. It's not too odd but being away made me actually miss this place. Even as I spent my time wisely being able to live without routine or schedule, I missed it. I missed the people, even the most mundane tasked that seemed to annoy me before I left. I never thought that office work was my thing. I'm not saying that it really is, I guess it works for now. The thing that I needed was a kick start to replenish me. I started a story, something longer than the short stories that I usually produce. I'm working on it with a friend of mine. She will be doing the illustrations for me, since she needs "shit to do" and I needed a "reason to write again". I was apprehensive at first but the more I thought about it the more it seemed necessary. I need to get in the habit of free writing again. I'm not going to say this hit me right away. After spending a large quantity of my week chain smoking and drinking cheap booze I thought about what would help me release the tension I've let build up inside of me. I had gotten so angry with life. The things that I had wanted to do didn't seem to happen the way I would have liked. I wanted to leave the state, just to go somewhere. The only places I went outside of Minneapolis was up north to the family and Apple Valley to see Dark Knight at the Imax. I guess I thought leaving would help me. I don't know why I always think that I can run away from my problems and they'll fix themselves while I'm gone. All I got out of the small time I left was an irritated cat and a more stress caused by such family time. So I spent the last four days of my vacation plotting. I found a main character in my imagination and she grew. Suddenly I'm asking questions about this person who doesn't exist. I start feeling a building anticipation to figure her out. Who is she? How does she feel? I wrote more in that four days than I have on a story in a long time. As I attempted to read another book today while sitting on lunch I realized that I can't... it's weird. I've read article of artists who do this. They paint a similar scene or person over and over. Most don't imply it but it's almost like they are haunted by this image. Hoping to capture this thing that they created in their own mind. I think that's what happened and is happening with me. I've never felt such a strong connection to any of the short stories I've written. I'm hoping that I can share some of it once I am finished. Is it weird that I didn't think of writing until it was offered to me? I've always considered it as being so therapeutic to me. I have a journal and I have these blogs. Never before that moment did I think I should actually start a novel. I'm too pessimistic usually to think that I can even accomplish something like that. I kept thinking about the stress I had caused myself and how unnecessary it was. My mom told me she cried for 3 days after I mailed her the letter I had written earlier this year (I don't know if you all remember it). For some reason or another she asked me why I didn't write more often. She doesn't know me that incredibly well so I told her about the blogs I keep on here. Oddly enough she asked me more. Seeming interested and bringing this to our biggest bonding moment in years, I told her a bit about all of them. To my surprise she encouraged me to write and I blew it off. It feels like now, that I'm rambling, the signs were all around me to do this. Being here doesn't seem to bother me today because I feel like I have something more. I have this thing that might be wonderful growing in my brain and it's not a tumor! I almost think that's more why I needed the vacation. I needed to regain hope in myself that this isn't my only option. I'm a slacker though so will see how long I can keep this up!

Why?

The feds have yet to give me money. So I get to wait on hold forever! Yeah!!! I hate this. All I want is to get my money damn it. The most annoying thing to me ever is having to sit here and wait for them. I've got about 15 minutes left in me to sit here in wait since that will be my break time. I feel like a slacker spending the first part of my day on hold I can't help but wish I didn't have a scheduled break. It's just a cigarette damn it! So what's up feds it's JULY! Everyone else has gotten their money so where is mine? Oh, lost you say! Well, no thank you for having me on hold for the past 35 minutes so you can tell me that I need to re-send it and that you people obviously can't do your job correctly. Damn it. Now I have to figure that out and I'm working off of maybe 4 hours of sleep today. Which isn't really anything new. I haven't been able to sleep that much for the past week. They don't even have real coffee here! It's all decaf, which is like a really bad cock tease. I've tried everything to help me sleep. I've been reading, wrote close to a novel of thoughts in my journal, playing video games, etc. Nothing helps besides the obvious which is drinking and I feel kind of bad doing that every day. All I want is my god damn money from the government right now and a stiff drink. Or a whole bottle... it's a little past noon that's okay to have those thoughts right? Yea smoke time! Yes I know I'm bitching but I'm trying to update more! I shall rant to you soon...

Spiral of me

I've had it with today. Maybe not today, perhaps I have had it with myself. I can't seem to keep myself happy. I went to my happy place and everything. I pictured the blue sky, the fucking ocean and even puppies, no happiness to be found. I almost feel like I am at an odd crossroad. Let me explain. Last night, I had an epiphany. For the first time in a very long time I was happy. A rush of energy seemed to flow through my body. It felt humbling to be alone and feel this great power inside of me surging through my veins. I wrote at least 12 pages worth of rambling in my journal. All was well. I was grateful for experiencing this. I went to bed early with a smile on my face feeling as though I had things where I wanted them to be. When I woke up today it felt like all of that was gone. I couldn't seem to get in the right step of things. Such is life I thought, once you get things figured out they seem to dissolve down as quick as they were formed. I wonder if I threw myself into this place by putting so much pressure on a pure feeling. Nothing amazing had happened really to make me happy. When I was younger I imagined bottling up these feeling. Preserving them like jam or picked things to break out when needed. I feel like everything is out of whack today. The stress cause by the stack of bills, nonexistent motivation and lack of food. I realized last night during my happy surge the mistake that I've been making all of these years. I've felt a need to become something. Thinking to myself that if I do this or that I will become this. I would evolve into this wonderful person that I felt that I could be. After many tries and fails, I get upset and quit. I never quite realized that all this time I spend trying to become someone else should be spent appreciating who I am. I'm still not there. I can point out my flaws like no ones business. I know everyone does this, but it still doesn't make it okay. I don't know how to fully love and accept myself. Leaving me here, hating myself yet again. Blaming my problems on the day. Why is it so much easier to see the flaws? Why can't I seem to see the goodness of me? I wish I could be to a point where I don't want to change myself or my life. To just stay at that happy place. I doubt that anyone really gets there. Most of this spiral of thoughts is lead on by the one question I've been asking myself for years. What do I want to do when I grow up? Who do I want to be? Teachers ask you it in school. Parents ask you at home. The people around me already seem to have it figured out. I wonder why it seems so much easier for them to know what they wanted to do. Not for me! I have to sit there and nit-pick every option. I find a flaw in all that I think about doing and in my anxiety driven thoughts I decide that it won't work. I let my dreams unravel time and time again. I feel like I should allow myself to actually go for them instead I don't. Fretting to make a mistake or lack of judgement. I ease away from thoughts of school walking away from them when I feel they're impossible. Now my head hurts and the happiness brought upon me is from the clicking of a few aspirin against my teeth. No wonder I put myself down when I have been giving so much stress into a simple question. Agonizing over it for the past 6+ years. I need to find me and ask what I really want to do with my life once in for all. I need to stop beating myself up.

Breaking away

So it's that time. The panic driven and frustrating over thinking. My mind is racing and I'm smoking like a chimney. I've been planning out a cheap vacation. It's been years since I've actually had one and I think it's time. Obviously I have never done this before, on my own that is. Since I am a strong, independent woman I figured that it wouldn't be that bad! Right? I already have a week off from work, which was an incredible feat since so many people take the summer months off at the office. I have found my destination and how to get there. I'm amazed after spending the past two days on this, that I have almost everything planned out. It's odd, but I'm OCD at times. I seem to really strive at planning but I usually fail at the acting upon such plans. Lucky for me I have a bus ticket to Chicago and there is no turning back now! Part of me is scared to death of this. It's been a dream of mine to take a vacation by myself. I don't think that I'll have any problems *knock on wood* traveling by myself. I mean, come on, I live in Minneapolis! I'm not some country girl, I can handle my own in the city. My concern is finding a cheap place to stay, that's going to be safe. I don't really feel like being thrown into a ghetto area where I am afraid. Mentally this is agonizing. I feel like if I end up booking a hotel now I'll find one cheaper later.To think on the negative side, I could take my sweet ass time and have no place to stay unless I want to stay in such ghetto areas that I am trying to avoid. It probably doesn't help that I have no clue as to what these bad areas are in Chicago... I'm completely clueless. I just started planning this out and I know I shouldn't stress out. I have a hard time with the not stressing out part! I've been meaning to do this for me. I've been working so hard that I haven't even had time to really update on here... I just need to get away. Does anyone have any suggestions for me besides grabbing a bottle and relaxing for once? I would be very happy if I could get any tips on a cheap place to stay and also stuff to do while there... thank you!~

changes

My thoughts seem to drift in and out of where they should be lately. Almost like a temporary A.D.H.D bracing me. I have been contemplating a plan of attack. A way to "set my mark" on this world. This is something that has been bothering me. I wonder how many millions of others out there think this. I know it's one of the things that life is about, making or doing some thing to let the world know who you are. The more I think about it, the more I wonder how many people die before actually being able to do such. Perhaps, they spend their lives plotting, carefully planning out ways to shine above all. Even if for one second they are something more than just another person. I wonder often if it's even possible to make that huge of a change or what I could do to change things. I know the best way to start is to start small. I've heard before that even if you can't change the world you could change something small. I guess I have to high of expectations at times. I know taking the easy way out is far more appealing. Can I change the world sitting here in front of my computer? Perhaps not, but I can encourage thought through my writing. Thoughts can lead to action. I hope that all of you consider doing something even a little thing to make a change. Even if it's picking up a piece of trash on the street or smiling at a stranger, it's still something

Women....

Women, I don't get them. Yes, I know it should be easier for me since I am one of them but it's not. I grew up a tomboy, I didn't really start befriending women until high school and it honestly caused me nothing but trouble! I have a hard time trusting most women. In my experience I always end up getting burnt a lot more by my female friends than their male counterparts. I'm not being sexist this is just my point of view. I've had the 'friends' that stole my boyfriends and spread rumors about me. Those who have took advantage of me and tossed me out on the street like a piece of used furniture. My best friends that I have now are three women. They seem to be a different breed than the ones I have met previously. They have all been through the same things as I have. For the past 2, almost 3 years, I have grown to become family with these girls. To me this is a big accomplishment. I had a large lack of trust for all females even when I first began regularly hanging out with "the girls." Hell, I still have a lack of trust for most of the females out there. No offense to you female reader, hopefully you understand where I am coming from. I let my guard down and ended up falling in love with my girls. They are all very important to me and I love them like they were my sisters. So the thing is we have a regular ladies night. Every week we get together and hang out, It's been tradition since we first started hanging out again. I've been okay with others coming to be part of our ladies night. Usually they don't actually come regularly so it makes it better in my mind. We have a girl though, who keeps coming with. She is a good person and she means well. She was invited to tag along with one of my friends and has proceeded to invite herself to the ladies night. It's not quite a big deal my problem with her is that she annoys the hell out of one of the other girls and myself at sometimes. She tends to dominate conversations and is very pretentious. I also don't really trust her. She has done nothing to me to make me not trust her, it's just a feeling that I have. I know I should be willing and open to accepting her into the group, I just can't. I don't want one person who was not officially invited to join our ladies night to ruin it for the others. I usually have taken the role of our leader. This is by default, I started the tradition and usually no one else tends to step up to the position unless it's necessary. I feel like it is my responsibility to talk to the other girls to see how they feel about letting her keep coming or not. I just don't want to be the one to tell her. I have had the "talk" before with other girls that just weren't working out. It's like breaking up every time and I hate it. It's a lot more difficult to explain to someone that it's not you, it's us. I also don't want to be put in the position where I am always the one to have to let the odd ducks know that they are out. I feel like that might make any other new or drop in girls not want to talk to me. It seems silly but I don't really know what to do. So what are some opinions on how to solve this problem without being seen as the party pooper? While we're at it how can I encourage the other girls to step up and take the leader position as well?

Age matters?

I found an article online today which pissed me off. It was saying that my generation, the "Y's", have no culture. That we are lazy and spoiled individuals. Which is not surprising at all since every generation has a better time pointing out the flaws of the newest generation. The thing that really made me upset was just the generalization of us. According to the article we are dependent on MTV, we have horrible music and have contributed nothing to society. I hate MTV. I agree that there is horrible music out there but hasn't there been in all generations? They missed out on the pure fact that there is actually a growing scene of music out there, not just emo shit. The generation that I am part of has not had any time to flourish and grow. Yes there are some of us that fit these stereotypical views but most of us try to stay away from being like that. Once we do grow we can accomplish more to influence society and culture. I work hard with my 40 hours a week. I have been supporting myself without any help and am not lazy. I wonder who is to blame for the lack of culture and spoiled lazy generation they have such an easy time slamming. Hmmmm... could it be them? Well of course! Who brought up this generation? Who should have instilled them with culture to want to make it grow now a days? Who let them become lazy and spoiled? Their god damn parents. The generations before that raised us has an obvious impact on us. Just as other generations have had on them. They have such an easy time skimming off the top of our generation and not going more in depth onto what else we have contributed besides The Hills. It makes me so upset that they couldn't even point out one positive thing. I really hope that I don't end up like that with the next generation, although the thought of how they will be scares the hell out of me!

Extreme Pumpage

I am pumped! That's right people, pumped. It's finally nice in Minnesota, it's about time! The sun is shining and birds are singing! I can't help but to get excited. The downside is that I have this whole work thing. I hate being stuck indoors when it's this beautiful outside. I wonder how people who have offices with windows do it. If I had to stare outside all day at the lovely weather I would go insane! I already feel like throwing a hissy fit like a small child so I am allowed to play outside! I remember as a kid I was completely content playing indoors than risking burning to a crisp. Which is bound to happen since I am extremely pale! It's weird how your views change as you grow up. I feel more like a kid now than I ever have. I want to do so much this summer. I even made a list. Yes I am one of those people. I strive a lot better when I have a list in hand. My memory is not exactly the best, I usually say I want to do things and then it doesn't happen. The reason for my extreme pumpage is I am going to be part of my first art fair. The Red Hot Art Fair is on May 31st to June 1st. If you're in Minneapolis, you should stop by and show your support. There is going to be a lot of great artist out there! I can't wait, this is the first time most of my art will be viewed by people other than my friends. I haven't had a lot of time to actually write on here because I am either working on art or planning out ideas lately. Plus, I don't really have a lot to rant about. I am way too pumped for this thing! Yea!!!