Breaking away

So it's that time. The panic driven and frustrating over thinking. My mind is racing and I'm smoking like a chimney. I've been planning out a cheap vacation. It's been years since I've actually had one and I think it's time. Obviously I have never done this before, on my own that is. Since I am a strong, independent woman I figured that it wouldn't be that bad! Right? I already have a week off from work, which was an incredible feat since so many people take the summer months off at the office. I have found my destination and how to get there. I'm amazed after spending the past two days on this, that I have almost everything planned out. It's odd, but I'm OCD at times. I seem to really strive at planning but I usually fail at the acting upon such plans. Lucky for me I have a bus ticket to Chicago and there is no turning back now! Part of me is scared to death of this. It's been a dream of mine to take a vacation by myself. I don't think that I'll have any problems *knock on wood* traveling by myself. I mean, come on, I live in Minneapolis! I'm not some country girl, I can handle my own in the city. My concern is finding a cheap place to stay, that's going to be safe. I don't really feel like being thrown into a ghetto area where I am afraid. Mentally this is agonizing. I feel like if I end up booking a hotel now I'll find one cheaper later.To think on the negative side, I could take my sweet ass time and have no place to stay unless I want to stay in such ghetto areas that I am trying to avoid. It probably doesn't help that I have no clue as to what these bad areas are in Chicago... I'm completely clueless. I just started planning this out and I know I shouldn't stress out. I have a hard time with the not stressing out part! I've been meaning to do this for me. I've been working so hard that I haven't even had time to really update on here... I just need to get away. Does anyone have any suggestions for me besides grabbing a bottle and relaxing for once? I would be very happy if I could get any tips on a cheap place to stay and also stuff to do while there... thank you!~

changes

My thoughts seem to drift in and out of where they should be lately. Almost like a temporary A.D.H.D bracing me. I have been contemplating a plan of attack. A way to "set my mark" on this world. This is something that has been bothering me. I wonder how many millions of others out there think this. I know it's one of the things that life is about, making or doing some thing to let the world know who you are. The more I think about it, the more I wonder how many people die before actually being able to do such. Perhaps, they spend their lives plotting, carefully planning out ways to shine above all. Even if for one second they are something more than just another person. I wonder often if it's even possible to make that huge of a change or what I could do to change things. I know the best way to start is to start small. I've heard before that even if you can't change the world you could change something small. I guess I have to high of expectations at times. I know taking the easy way out is far more appealing. Can I change the world sitting here in front of my computer? Perhaps not, but I can encourage thought through my writing. Thoughts can lead to action. I hope that all of you consider doing something even a little thing to make a change. Even if it's picking up a piece of trash on the street or smiling at a stranger, it's still something

Women....

Women, I don't get them. Yes, I know it should be easier for me since I am one of them but it's not. I grew up a tomboy, I didn't really start befriending women until high school and it honestly caused me nothing but trouble! I have a hard time trusting most women. In my experience I always end up getting burnt a lot more by my female friends than their male counterparts. I'm not being sexist this is just my point of view. I've had the 'friends' that stole my boyfriends and spread rumors about me. Those who have took advantage of me and tossed me out on the street like a piece of used furniture. My best friends that I have now are three women. They seem to be a different breed than the ones I have met previously. They have all been through the same things as I have. For the past 2, almost 3 years, I have grown to become family with these girls. To me this is a big accomplishment. I had a large lack of trust for all females even when I first began regularly hanging out with "the girls." Hell, I still have a lack of trust for most of the females out there. No offense to you female reader, hopefully you understand where I am coming from. I let my guard down and ended up falling in love with my girls. They are all very important to me and I love them like they were my sisters. So the thing is we have a regular ladies night. Every week we get together and hang out, It's been tradition since we first started hanging out again. I've been okay with others coming to be part of our ladies night. Usually they don't actually come regularly so it makes it better in my mind. We have a girl though, who keeps coming with. She is a good person and she means well. She was invited to tag along with one of my friends and has proceeded to invite herself to the ladies night. It's not quite a big deal my problem with her is that she annoys the hell out of one of the other girls and myself at sometimes. She tends to dominate conversations and is very pretentious. I also don't really trust her. She has done nothing to me to make me not trust her, it's just a feeling that I have. I know I should be willing and open to accepting her into the group, I just can't. I don't want one person who was not officially invited to join our ladies night to ruin it for the others. I usually have taken the role of our leader. This is by default, I started the tradition and usually no one else tends to step up to the position unless it's necessary. I feel like it is my responsibility to talk to the other girls to see how they feel about letting her keep coming or not. I just don't want to be the one to tell her. I have had the "talk" before with other girls that just weren't working out. It's like breaking up every time and I hate it. It's a lot more difficult to explain to someone that it's not you, it's us. I also don't want to be put in the position where I am always the one to have to let the odd ducks know that they are out. I feel like that might make any other new or drop in girls not want to talk to me. It seems silly but I don't really know what to do. So what are some opinions on how to solve this problem without being seen as the party pooper? While we're at it how can I encourage the other girls to step up and take the leader position as well?