sometimes i feel like screaming...

i hate you world!!!
i motherfucking hate you so much!
no, i'm not drunk. if i had more than a dollar to my name until friday i sure as hell would be later tonight. i feel like the world is just jacking off on me right now...

welcome to reality, there are free tissues in the bathroom to scrub the nastiness off of you.

blah... yet another article

A.C.E.S. (Athletes Committed to Educating Students) is a non-profit organization that offers tutoring and mentoring for urban youth in Minneapolis and St. Paul. Specifically, A.C.E.S. works with children in low-income neighborhoods. The students come to be in a safe environment after school and receive supportive mentoring, as well as participate in the fun and exciting activities. On a typical day, after finishing homework, they might head to the gym to shoot hoops as a way of learning about percentages. The students are encouraged to brainstorm about problems in their community and various ways to improve them. A.C.E.S. offers field trips to provide the students with opportunities that they otherwise might not experience. Strong relationships with professional sports teams present students with a chance to be down with the action. A.C.E.S. provides a much needed service to the community, and they are doing so with the highest standard of quality. They keep over 400 youth off the street and out of harm’s way by keeping them engaged in education. A.C.E.S. teaches young children that they have a choice in how they live their lives. It is reassuring to think that these students can receive positive attention from adult role models, and learn to show an interest in their schoolwork. Through Athletes Committed to Educating Students, children can have higher expectations for themselves and their futures, and learn to interact with each other in a positive environment. If A.C.E.S. is an organization that interests you, please consider volunteering. If you don’t have time to volunteer, please consider donating to A.C.E.S. You can find more about A.C.E.S. at their website: www.aces4kids.org.

Pride...

Using my last two dollars I purchase a can of generic cream of mushroom soup and a loaf of bread on the way home from work. Ten days until I get paid again. Ten fucking days. All of a sudden my struggle to get back to the city so quick after Christmas seems moot. I'm going to have to not smoke anyways. What do I have to show from my last check? Well my rent is in and my bank account will just be negative enough where they will take my rent check. I joked with the guy who rung up my measly food rations as I handed over my change. I told him I had more food at home, he said his food was about as sad as my purchase except he had tomato soup. I knew wasn't lying because he smiled like it hurt as he bagged it up. I guess I shouldn't complain. I've felt like a spoiled child for a while now. Organic food once filled my shelves and I smoked as though it didn't matter. As I listening to my friends bitch about their lack of money I went out and bought beers for them to cry into. I bought outfits for myself to keep up the illusion that everything is okay. I did all I needed to do for myself to make everything feel better. Now things may not be too bad but, I have to admit that things are rough right now. Trust me when I say spoiled myself I say it in a delicate way. I wasn't out spending thousands or anything! Maybe just a little more than I should have at times. When I woke up today I had the thought that I no longer want to be an adult. Times are too tough. I want to go back in time when my poor family was struggling. When there weren't bills for me alone to pay. Perhaps I just want to go back to when I didn't need to debate for 15 minutes over what I was going to buy with two dollars. My next pay check is suppose to be bigger. Some sort of pay increase was added, not a raise, an increase. Which almost worries me more. The company believes that in order to live we need more money, which is great when your struggling. I'm suppose to keep this fact hush hush since I was one of the only people in my area to actually get such increase high. I am one of the only employees that actually works so I guess that makes it even better. They recognize the fact that I work hard and deserve more money. I just kind of think it's funny considering the state that I'm in right now. I would pretty much do anything for the extra money promised to me in ten days. I even thought about selling some art online. Who is really buying art right now though? I would most likely make more money off of selling my soul or myself. I'm not that desperate but I guess we'll see what next week brings. I still feel like there is nothing worse to hurt your pride than having to buy a small bit of food with change knowing that it's all you're going to get for more than a week. With the wind in my eyes as I walked home tonight I that I'm lucky to even have this and that there are more people out there that are worse off than me. Which just made it hurt a little more.