strong drinks bring me happiness

After a dreadfully, long day at work yesterday, I headed to the bar right by my work. It's a dinky little place. There are beaded curtains covering the windows. It smells like humus from the Indian restaurant that is connected to it. I worked my way to the bar immediately and nodded at a few of the regulars that I've seen in there before. I use to hate going to the bar alone, but I figured if it's a block or two from my apartment it's definitely okay. I order a long island since they make them quite strong for me here since I tip well. They're playing blues over the sound system and a few movies on the televisions scattered through out with subtitles on. I pound down my long island and order another one. The bartender glances at me since he knows I don't pound them that quick unless it's been one of those days. Hell I usually don't come here unless it's one of those days! He asks me whats wrong, as I watch him pour a little extra of each liquor into a bigger glass for me. I just answer simply life. He sets down my drink and heads off to serve a few older gentlemen on the other side of the bar. When he comes back around he sets a jar of olives in front of me and tells me to eat them. I love olives and I've stated this to him before during one of our small talks. I think I ordered a martini one day and he laughed at me since they definitely don't serve them here. I told him I just like the olives not the actual drink. So since then on he's had a jar that he'll break out when he sees me come in like this. I think it's pretty sweet, usually I'd assume he was hitting on me. Since I have met his boyfriend when I went to the other bar (which is very gay friendly) on the block by my house, I know better! In between his orders he asks me how I'm doing and although I shouldn't I order yet another strong long island I end up doing so anyways. He puts this one in a regular size glass and I pout at him a little. Once I finish my drink I ask for my tab. He gives me the slip as I'm breaking out my wallet. When I look at it I see he only charged me for one drink. I look at him and ask why. He tells me, "it's been one of those days for me too and I figured it's the least I can do". I thank him and tell him I hope things look up, as he walks away to help a bouncy blond who's trying to hit on him. I'm always in awe with the generosity of people some times. I guess it's more of a bigger thing to me since I've been living here in Minneapolis, since it's rare to see here. I smile to myself as I look down at my five dollar bar tab. I grab a few olives and throw down a twenty. As I walk out he yells out to see if I needed change. I tell him, "it's the least I can do". Once I go home I lay in bed smiling, feeling way better than I did before. Thank god for strong drinks!

mistaken

The rain poured down as I walked into work today. I hate walking in the rain, I would much rather be walking in the snow. It's a weird concept but a very reasonable personal choice of mine. Anyways, as I'm walking with my head down I completely crash into this chick, I mean crash. It was not a bump and it was definitely not graceful in any way, shape or form. I sent her and her Macy's bags flying to the ground. She's shorter, with brown hair perfectly pinned back in a bun. She's wearing a teal rain jacket and pitch black skinny jeans. I notice her pick up her huge sunglasses first, my first thought is my god she's one of them! You know the type, the stuck up fashion crazed girls who shop for fun. I never understood that concept. As I picked myself up and helped her gather her things she looked at me with a odd glance. She gasped and squealed, "Dana?!!!" I looked around to see if she was talking to someone else but no she was looking at me. "Ummm no," I replied. "Oh come on Dana, Edina High class of 97," she said desperately, "It's me Julianna!" I kept giving her a blank stare. "You don't remember me do you," she quietly said glaring at the ground. "I'm sorry, I'm not Dana you must have me mistaken for someone else," I say quickly, lighting up a smoke in between words. She now has tears in her eyes, I thought it was just the rain at first but no it's tears. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just don't know anyone here," she said gasping as she spoke. I gave her a look of pity and walked away. I didn't really know what to say to her. I can't help it if I'm not Dana and I sure as hell wasn't going to pretend to be. I just felt so bad for the girl who seemingly had everything but was grasping out for a friend. As I started walking the rest of the way to work I couldn't help but to think about her. Did she really not have any friends? Couldn't she have met one of her type at Macy's? Is that horrible to think? I looked back and she was sitting on the sidewalk with her bags surrounding her like a shell. Her face was in her hands and her body looked like it was slightly trembling. I guess part of her wanted me to be Dana way more than I may ever know.

Here you are...

I promised a glimpse of who I am to those of you who have been faithful readers of mine over the past few month. I'm happy that someone at least appreciates (or deals with) my rambling. So here you are... not quite an impressive photo, but I try! More rambling to come, you can count on that!!!!! I've just been getting over a cold, plus I had a root canal on monday. Thank you again for reading! And yes that's a usual self pic pose... don't judge me!

Okay I lie... well I was bored

Here's a short story I threw together due to boredom of the sickness. There is really only so much I can do when I'm sick. Pretty much brought to you by cough drops and extra strength cold medicine. Enjoy! ***I must warn you, I swear like a sailor when I'm drugged up!

What the fuck is her name? Come on it’s in there, you remember don’t you? Blame it on the bad memory, I guess. The pure fact you were wasted and spent most of the time obviously staring at her breast probably didn’t help. Are you even sure this is her? The girl you were talking to? I mean she’s hot, but who the fuck knows! Did you actually look at her face while you were running your mouth trying to get her in bed? Damn it. Well she’s in your bed and you have no clue what her name is. Her blond hair splayed out over your nasty old pillow. She has dark circles under her eyes from last night’s makeup. After peaking under the blankets you realize that yes, she’s naked. She looks amazing naked. Nice, but you don’t even remember fucking her. Did you fuck her? Maybe she drugged you and took advantage of your drugged up state. Yeah right. Why the hell would she do that? You look over at a glass and take a sip, spitting it back out after realizing it was vodka and not water. Fucking harsh vodka, you can still feel it in your mouth from last night. It mixes against your morning breath making you taking a few seconds to cough the taste off. Why would you want that this morning? You carefully throw back the blankets, trying hard not to wake up the chick in your bed. You’re light headed and the room spins for a while before you can get your balance. Carelessly grabbing those nasty boxers off the floor, you sneak off to the bathroom. The light flickers on slowly and you wipe off the grunge of the mirror so you can see yourself. God that’s nasty, you remember why you want to move out of this shit hole you call home. You look like shit, hair sticking straight up and drool staining the slide of your cheek. You have a huge bruise on your chest, which is only exaggerated by a gash running down your arm. That definitely should be something you’d remember. The blood is dried on to your flesh and as you wash it off it stings like a bitch. Damn, what the hell happened? You remember talking to the girl that’s assumingly in your bed over a smoke outside. The two of you headed back into the party to take a shot. Of course you were trying to impress her even though you’re not a shot kind of guy. That’s it though, nothing more after that point. So you blacked out, right? Not like that’s the first time or anything. You finish cleaning yourself up and take a piss. You glance at yourself one more time, shaking your head before you stumble into the living room. Damn you look rough! The living room looks like a sea filled with people. There are articles of clothing lying about. A few people embracing the person next to them, their bodies meshed together. There are others lying curled up alone, looking like they wanted the warmth of someone else but passed out before they could achieve that goal. After rummaging through the countless amounts of passed out people, you find what you remember to be her purse. How the hell do you remember her purse and not her name? Well that’s beyond you. You look around to make sure no one sees you carrying her purse into the hall. Shit they’re all out, why do you even bother? After unzipping the thing you find a wallet on top, bingo! There it is, her id staring you in the face. Yes, that’s the one, the girl sleeping in your bed. Melissa, she’s 23 and an organ donor. Well that settles that question, thank god! You wonder if the other question you have about last night will be answered. You also wonder if you really care or would want to know. You set down her purse and wonder back to your room, crashing back on your bed. There goes being sneaky! She moans and tosses the blankets off of her head. She stretches her arms, exposing her breasts. She glances over at you with those green eyes still full of sleep. “Shit what happened,” she asks, “and I’m sorry but who the hell are you?”

I know, I know....

Since I seemingly have little to rant about and this god awful cold that has me laid out for week now. It seems like it might be a bit longer! So I figured I would open up both blogs to questions for the week. I should be back to top condition with tons to say but for now it's all up for grabs... Questions can be honestly about anything, and I promise will give an honest answer. The possibilities are endless! Thank you, you might get a lovely prize for best question! No pressure now!

head in the clouds

I've been reading this book all day today called Pretty Little Mistakes by Heather McElhatton. It's one of those alternate ending books, where you start off with one beginning and work your way through endless possibilities. It's amazing to really think about the choices you make in life and all the different things that happen or could have happened due to your choices. It's really been making me contemplate on my own personal choices in life. It's odd to really think how much different your life could be if things weren't the way they are. Everyday we are posed with different choices in life. Sometimes it's easy not to really think about the consequences of simple decisions that end up changing your life completely. I guess the best way to describe it is a complete mind fuck. It has really made me think all day about the "what ifs" of life. Like what if I would have stayed in my small ass hick town I grew up in? Or what if I wouldn't have dropped out of college? Stayed with my ex? I have never regretted a single thing that I have done with my life. Not one. It's easy to say that but I've always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I chose the path I did because that was the path I was suppose to take. If I wouldn't have done that I probably wouldn't be here writing on this blog! I definitely wouldn't be where I'm at with my life. I'd be some knocked up chick, with my 3rd child on the way, desperately wanting more out of life. Either that or a snobby hair dresser... Jesus I don't know what would be worse for me! It seems odd to think I wouldn't be who I am today. That I wouldn't know the people I do or think that way I feel I always have. Could things be better if life was different? Of course, but they could also be worse. I don't believe in destiny really. I don't think that we are destined to do certain things or that certain things happen because of some plan from where the hell ever. I think we are all posed with choices and those choices make your life. That life isn't some damn predetermined plot, that just doesn't make sense. Even though it's normal to wonder about how things could have been, I feel so happy with my life. Yes, I have struggled as everyone has. I disappointed my parents by dropping out of college. I hurt people that I loved at one point because it didn't feel right. I know that my choices have lead me to where I am and if I didn't do these things I wouldn't be me, god damn it! I guess that's why it's so interesting to read stuff like this. It makes you actually use your brain. Yeah... I'm going to go ponder life more, although it's snowing here (yea wtf!) and it's hard to think when anger consumes you!

Geek love

When I was younger my mom told me to find a nice geeky boy. She explained the theory that most geeky guys turn out to be the guys you want to settle down with. Of course I didn't listen to her and spent my teen years chasing after the usual burnouts and jocks. It wasn't until I left my small ass town, heart broken and some how std free, that I realized geeks are hot. After dating several of them and learning the 'geeky way' I realized how much I must have missed out on. Leaving me where I am at now a geeky girl, who'd much rather expand my music and geek knowledge than participate in the usual girly activities. While others enjoy shopping and clubbing; I've prided myself on being able to name the band within the first 30 seconds of any song on the public radio station and knowing every geeky site out there. Today when I was exploring the vast world that is the internet I ran across and article about why geeky guys are much more appealing now more than ever. It obviously drew my attention right away. As I read into it I was extremely disappointed that most of their case was on the pure fact that most geeks actually work out. Okay, so like go to the gym, making them in better shape than the once jocks of the world. WTF?! Seriously!!!! The reason geeky guys are attractive is because of that? It seems so superficial to say that is it. Most of the geeky guys I've been attracted to was not because of their physical qualities. They had stunning personalities, sharp wit and god forbid brains! They opened a different world that I didn't know about, letting me be as geeky as I wanted! By saying that these geeks are more attracted completely based off of their physical attributes you're missing the pure fact why these people are attractive, personality! I suppose it's easier to by pass this. When most people meet me they don't believe that I am a geek until we actually start talking. I don't break out my glasses that much and I guess from the outside I am less geeky than most. I take pride in the fact that I am geeky and honestly I get more ass now than I did back in the day. I would hope that it's not just because of my physical qualities but that my personality has something to do with it as well! I felt like that article completely missed the nail on the head and it made me angry that even as adults, some people are still stuck in that mind frame of high school dumbness. So to us true geek lovers and geeks alike I say prevail against the stupid people of the world!!! We're way better than them anyways!!!